Indefinite.

"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"
-The Avett Brothers


There's a ticket stub that sits on my nightstand. It's been there for almost a month now (Yeah, I should clean, don't judge me). It says December 5, 2011- Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Boston Bruins. It was an ordinary loss, an ordinary December night. Normally, those ticket stubs eventually find their spot amongst candy wrappers and apple cores in whatever landfill Waste Management deems fit.

But I just can't throw this one away. I wish I could. But I always end up asking myself, "Did I see Sidney Crosby's last game?"

For the last 367 calendar days, words like "indefinitely", "symptoms", "no timetable"; have become as routine to Penguin fans as tying their shoes. They've almost lost all meaning. Penguins fans are suffering from a rare phenomenon: being expectation-less. I'm not talking about "Dick Tarnstrom is our leading scorer," expectation-less. It's more like the feeling that things will never be the same again. As if years like 2008-09 were just a fever dream. Living without expectation isn't saying that things can't get any worse, it's not seeing how they can possibly get any better.

And that's where we are today. The talk that ensued a month and a half ago about Crosby coming back and winning the scoring title feels distant and frankly, foolish. With all due respect to the current roster, Evgeni Malkin in particular, watching Pens games has become an exercise in "concussion-like symptoms" for Pens fans. Cheer as we may, there's a very numbing quality to watching these contests, as if our own vision is blurred, our memories fogged. When I think back to recent games, I often have trouble even remembering things that happened, as if they had existed only in the abstract.

In such uncertain situations, it remains very difficult to garner any sort of perspective. In six months, we could look back at this time and think how crazy we were for thinking it was even in the realm of possibility for Sidney Crosby not to suit up again. Or we could (frightfully) look back and wonder how we could have ever been so optimistic. The only thing I know is that (and I hope I speak for all Pens fans when I say this) I'd rather see Sidney Crosby retire at 24 than not be able to recognize his family at 40. The former would be heartbreaking, but the latter would be tragic.

The lack of updates are unsettling, yet familiar. The news that leaks out is vague at best. We don't know where Sid is, or really how he is, only that his symptoms aren't as "aggressive" as a year ago. Though we've seen this song and dance before (Remember when they called it a "mild" concussion last year?), so we've learned to take words like this with a grain of salt. Any good news that we'll hear in the future about Sid will be met with a nervous optimism, not an unbridled one.

But at this point, most of us will take whatever we can get.

So how will this all end?

Our hope is that one day Crosby will awake to find his own personal clouds lifted. That he can do what he loves the same way he used to, and we can understand again what a privilege it is to watch him do it. My own hope is that I can wake up and finally have that ticket stub meet the same fate as the others, casting away with it my own personal fears and doubts. But that hope, like all else at this time, remains indefinite.

Captain Obvious? Part 1 of a 6 Part Epic

Captain Obvious is a six part blog epic exploring all NHL captains, who deserves to be there, and who doesn't. Frankly, this is a result of my frustration towards the Pirates not scoring runs and my general disdain for Mike Richards. Since this is a Pittsburgh Blog, part 1 will focus on the Atlantic Division.


1. Pittsburgh Penguins



Captain: Sidney Crosby
Player who should be Captain: Sidney Crosby

This is pretty much a no-brainer. He's the best player in the NHL, and sets an example for the team on and off the ice. It was plainly apparent how much Crosby was missed during the stretch run of this past season. He's a guy who is able to elevate the game of everyone who laces up the skates with him. He's an all-world talent that has the mentality of a player who is just trying to make the squad. I could say more about him, but anything beyond this would be redundant and insulting to a Pens fan. Get better, Sid.


2. Philadelphia Flyers



Captain: Mike Richards
Player who should be Captain: Kimmo Timonen

Trying to choose what Flyer should be Captain is like choosing what gun you want to be shot in the face with. No matter what, it sucks. Richards has become just like every other Flyer, dirty plays that don't get called, and mouthing off to the media. Next thing you know, he'll be banging Scott Hartnell's wife. As for Timonen, at this point in his career, he's deserving of a captaincy. He's been a stalwart on Philly's defensive front for a few years now, and has displayed a Brooks Orpik-like calm and cool on the ice. As is usually the case with Finnish players, Timonen is a classy guy, and seems like a great locker room personality as well. Timonen is without a doubt the least of all evils.


3. New Jersey Devils



Captain: Nobody
Player who should be Captain: Patrick Elias

Beyond Marty Brodeur, no Devil is more recognizable than Patrick Elias. He's been a Devil since before I had pubes. Though he's 35, his productivity has shown no signs of slowing. Since the Captainship was vacated by the Jamie Langenbrunner trade this past year, Elias seems to me to be the logical choice.


4. New York Rangers



Captain: Chris Drury
Player who should be Captain: Chris Drury

It's pretty hard to argue against Drury. The only player in league history to win both the Hobey Baker and the Calder Trophies, a three-time Olympian, and one of the few players in the leauge who have captained multiple teams. Drury hasn't always put up huge numbers throughout his career, but he's a tough, gritty player who will do whatever it takes to win. Once Drury retires, however, the Captain position should be assumed by Ryan Callahan. I still think the Rangers may have beaten the Caps if Callahan were healthy, but he was too busy laying his life down in front of a Zdeno Chara slapshot to try to get the Rangers into the playoffs. What a human.


5. New York Islanders



Captain: Doug Weight (kind of)
Player who should be Captain: Mark Streit

Weight would be my Captain choice, but since he retired, that sort of takes him out of the running. Truly, the only logical choice behind him is D-man Mark Streit. Injured for most of this season, Pens fans know about Streit because he's really the only Islander we give a shit about. He's Swiss, which is awesome (also captains the Swiss National team), he can actually play defenseman or forward, a rarity in the NHL. The Islanders clearly missed his leadership this season, as they made a habit of going bat shit crazy during games.

Plus I'm not sure they could give the Captain tag to Trevor Gilles. Woof.


Part 2 coming soon.

2011: A Cursed Year in Pittsburgh Sports

Call it what you will. 2011 has been an extraordinarily painful time to be a fan in Pittsburgh. Shall we start at the beginning?

It's December of 2010, and we are drunk with happiness. The Penguins hadn't lost a game in a month and the Steelers were unexpectedly rolling towards a playoff berth after a tumultuous offseason. HBO was in town filming 24/7 in preparation for the Winter Classic. It was pretty much sunshine and kittens at that point.

And then the ball dropped.


Go to hell, Times Square.


Jan 1, 2011:

On National Hangover Day, the Penguins played host to the Crapitals at Heinz Field in the Winter Classic. The atmosphere was incredible and the stage was set for a hallowed chapter in Penguins history. Little did we know.





I'm normally not one for drama or superfluous adjectives, but this is a seminal moment in Penguins history. This hit, coupled with Victor Hedman's less vicious shot several days later, left Crosby on the sidelines for the rest of the season. Yes, Crosby has skated with teammates, run through some drills and flashed his omnipresent smile. But the fact remains that since the Hedman hit, nobody has laid a hand on him. The Penguins have been all but mum on Crosby developments. The smart money says Crosby will get healthy and back to normal over this extended summer, but it's not something that's given at this point. Penguins fans may have to face the fact that Crosby may not be the same. Is it likely? No. But it's certainly not impossible.

Oh yeah, the Pens lost the game too.


February 4th, 2011:



In a 3-2 comeback win over Buffalo, the Pens suffered another freak accident when Andre the Giant...I mean, Tyler Myers fell awkwardly on Evgeni Malkin's knee, tearing his ACL. Even then, we really had no idea how long the Penguins would have to go without the services of both Crosby and Malkin. This is the point where the Crosby Watch truly gained steam.


February 6th, 2011:



Watching the Steelers lose Super Bowl XLV was like getting head-butted in the balls by Zinedine Zidane. The Steelers were outplayed and outcoached from the start. Hell, the Packers lost half their secondary in that game and still beat us. Truly, it wasn't as close as the score would indicate. No excuses on this one. Green Bay deserved that win.


February 11th, 2011:



If I were Dan Bylsma, I would have shown the team this video before Game 7. This was nothing but childish retaliation for the Brent Johnson/Rick Dipietro fight the week prior (which is really the best thing to happen sports-wise this year). Just despicable the whole way around. Trevor Gillies turned into a household name, and were it not for Max Talbot's keen eye, Matt Martin would have been just as vilified. This wasn't a hockey game, it was a street fight. Hands down the low of the entire season in the NHL.


March 19, 2011



In one of the most bizarre endings in tournament history, #1 seed Pitt was ousted by #8 Butler. With slightly over two seconds left, and Pitt up 69-68, Butler's Andrew Smith made an easy layup off a great pass from Shawn Vanzant. Game over, right? Wrong. In a completely mindless play, Butler's Shelvin Mack dogged Gilbert Brown around midcourt, eventually fouling Brown with 1.4 seconds left. Butler's fanbase collectively poop themselves. Brown makes the first free throw (after some back and forth chat with Mack), tying the game at 70 all. The next sequence would etch itself into Pitt's ignominious basketball history.

Brown shoots. Off the rim.
Butler's Matt Howard rebounds
Nasir Robinson's left arm.
Howard sinks a free throw to win.

I'm one of the few Pittsburghers who will defend Robinson here. First of all, it's a high pressure situation, and Robinson wants to win the game. He wanted that rebound badly. His crime was one of passion, and while it's staggering, it is defensible. Robinson took the blame after the loss, but it certainly wasn't deserved. Pitt squandered opportunities all game long. Regardless, it stands as one of the most painful losses in the program's history.


April 2011:



This Bolts-Pens series was just so tough to swallow. A week prior to the Game 7 loss, the Pens were flying high after James Neal's Double OT winner to put the Pens up 3-1 in the series. Most thought the Lightning would fold, and the Pens would be 2nd round bound. Not so fast. Tampa's third line (including new enemy Sean Bergenheim) took over the series, and Dwayne Roloson did what he had to do.

The whole thing culminated in one last flurry of action in Game 7s waning seconds. The season died where it was born; the choppy ice of Consol Energy Center, surrounded by a winded but hopeful Pens faithful, anxious for another day.


So where is this all leading? One would ask (and rightfully so) if things could get any worse. That question is always dangerous because the answer will always be yes.

But we're Pittsburgh; we face the present with steely resolve, and the future with cautious optimism.

Because really, could things get any worse?

Stairway to a Game 7 exit. Tampa moves on.

It ended the way it should have. The power play. The bane of the Pens fans existence for the past four months. Remember when we whined about how Mike Yeo ran the PP? If only we knew.

If you're looking for a scapegoat, the reason as to why there's no round two for us, it's the power play. We ended the series about 1-100000 on the PP. Very little flow. I could also jab Bylsma for playing Kovalev over Tangradi, but that seems a bit useless at this point.

Three Stars of the Series for the Penguins:

3. Arron Asham



Given his playoff pedigree, maybe we should have expected this from Asham. Big time goals, and he was a physical presence throughout the series. He (likely) won't be back next year, but let us not forget his contributions.


2. Craig Adams/Max Talbot



It was impossible to choose between these two. Max Talbot was his old playoff self. There were no Game 7 SCF heroics, but he played an admirable series. It was as if he knew every shift may be his last as a Penguin. If he goes elsewhere in the offseason, this city is forever indebted to Max, and we'll love him no matter what.

Craig Adams. I don't even know where to start with this guy. If I were a hockey player, I'd want to mirror my game off of Craig Adams. He does everything the right way, and will lay down his life for his teammates. There's a reason that Adams has a couple of Stanley Cup rings. He's a winner through and through.


1. Marc-Andre Fleury



He was our rock all season long, and he played well enough to win Game 7. Period.


Honorable mention: Jordan Staal, Mike Rupp


CEC was pure bedlam last night. But if you're the drunk who stood behind me last night yelling "Hit him!" every time a Bolt touched the puck, stop coming to games. Seriously.

Sure, it didn't end the way we wanted. We'll be depressed for a while, but eventually shrug it off and start going to Pirate games. But the truth be told, there was a certain beauty in the way Game 7 played out. People always say that sports are a distraction from everyday life, but that's not the case. Sports are a visual representation of it. When it comes down to it, we've all been exactly where the Penguins were last night: trying and trying, but failing and failing. After all, life is just a test that we all inevitably fail, whether by our minds or by our bodies. There's no shame in losing. Things like this are seldom a pleasant journey, but always an important one. Just as we learn from our mistakes and shortcomings, they learn from theirs. And just like us, they will have new opportunities and new stories, just waiting to be written.



Let's go Pens.

A New Day: Go out and get it in Game 7

EDIT: Just got my Game 7 tickets. I'm filing this under INdisposable income.



Contrary to what a lot of people around here thought last night, the sun still rose this morning, and we still have one more game to play. I'm choosing not to listen to the radio because I don't feel like hearing bandwagon Pens fans (hey, yinz guys wanna watch the 'Guins game dahntahn since there's no Stiller game?) call in to eulogize the 2010-11 season. We've got one more game to throw these past two back into the vault that contains Game 5 of the 2009 Cup Finals and other Pens games that nobody cares about. Go win it.

There's not going to be any type of recap of what happened last night, but I did feel the urge to point a few things out.


1. Was Bugsy this much of a dick when he played for us?

For real, I don't remember.

2. Jordan Staal and Craig Adams wanted to end it.

If we'd have had a team full of Staals and Adams, we would be laughing our way into the second round right now. Just when I think I can't love Craig Adams more than I already do, he puts together a performance like he did last night. That guy is just nothing but guts. Props to Staal as well for trying to take the team on his back. He was due for a big time goal, and in typical fashion, he delivered. It's a shame it had to go to waste. He played 22 and half minutes, and they were all productive.

3. Where in the world is Kris Letang?

Just an awful game last night. Not to absolve Michalek and the rest of the D, who weren't far behind him.

4. Bench Kovalev, put in Tangradi




I don't like impulse lineup changes in the playoffs, and this will probably happen on the 7th of never, but I truly fail to see Kovalev's value. He's a -3 in the series, has taken bad penalties, and plays with very little vigor. When it comes to beating the Lightning, the Pens are better off with a big body like Tangradi than a ballerina like Kovalev. Even Kovy's lone goal of the series came because he was dragging ass by the net, and James Neal made a great play.

A friend of mine said something that I totally agree with. "If you bench him, you're never dressing him again." He's right, and I'm okay with that.

5. The Lightning deserve respect.

Outside of Steve Downie and my newfound disdain for Ryan Malone, I can't help but be impressed with this team. They could have lay down and died after Neal's double OT winner, but they got a second wind, and have managed to send it to a Game 7. A playoff ready team, no doubt.


All these things aside, just go out there and want it more. I'm bringing back an old friend for this one.



Let's go Pens.

Don't Jump. Game 7 on Wednesday

Don't jump yet. Game 7 on Wednesday. If you have given up, just do us a favor and leave the fanbase forever. Thanks.

Game 6. Malkin before Crosby?

Rob Rossi is stirring the pot over at the Trib.

Major league issue with Rossi's article. He tells me not to believe anything that anyone says about Malkin or Crosby, then proceeds to espouse a rumor about Malkin and Crosby. Classic Rossi. Though if he's right about Malkin possibly coming back for the ECF, holy potatoes. I always thought Malkin was tougher than people give him credit for, but possibly coming back this year after Tyler Myers sat on his knee? Tough shit, right there.



(Side note: If you try to run a Google Image search for Rob Rossi, you're going to see penises. You've been warned.)

Pens are down in Tampa for Game 6. If they aren't pissed off, they aren't breathing. The whole state of Florida sucks.



Here are a few things the Pens need to do to win:

1. Get on the board early.

The Pens should come out jumping. Nobody likes to lose 8-2 at home. If they can rattle Roloson early and take all 47 Tampa fans in attendance out of the game, it could be a blowout.


2. Reinvigorate the D

Frankly, I'm hesitant to be critical of the Pens D-men. They're perhaps the biggest reason we're even in this position, and Orpik and Letang played almost 40 minutes in Game 4. But man, they weren't even there on Saturday. Michalek may have had his worst game as a Pen, and Orpik looked winded. The D has to set the tone of this game.


3. Crash the Net

Everyone has made a big screaming deal about how much Dwayne Roloson sucks at handling pucks. So make him do it. If you crash the net on Roloson, one of two things is going to happen: he's either going to give up rebounds that can be easily stuffed home, or he'll corral the puck and force an offensive zone faceoff. Given the Pens depth of good faceoff guys, coupled with defenseman who can shoot from the point, it's a recipe for goals.


4. Rebound game for Fleury.

This is going to happen. I have zero doubt.



Wild Card:

The third line.

Quietly, the line of Chris Conner, Pascal Dupuis and Max Talbot have been pesky and effective. I look for one of these three to come up with a big goal when the time comes.

Let's go Pens.

Weekend Waylay. Series Goes Back to Tampa

We really should have seen that one coming. And oddly enough, we did. The weird start time should have been an omen.

The Pens came out blazing. Not like Wiz Khalifa blazing, but you know, fast. A bunch of good chances in the first half of the first, capped with Brooks Orpik nearly taking the net off its moorings with a slapper. Then all of a sudden, the Lightning break out of the Pens zone and make 20,000 passes, eventually setting up Simon Gagne for a a ridiculously easy goal. A half a second later, the Lightning scored again, and the wheels just came off.



Actually, this picture is an understatement.

The rest of the game was a blur, really. It ended up being a billion to 2. Mike Rupp and Chris Connor with well-deserved goals.



A few game notes:

-Steven Stamkos finally woke up. He's too good of a player to be quiet for an entire series. They're a different team when he's playing well

-The Pens defense was completely non-existent. Hands down the worst Pens defensive performance of the year. Nobody played well. From Letang and Orpik on down.

-Did Martin St. Louis even touch a puck? The fact that they could score 8 goals without much mention of St. Louis is terrifying.

-Bylsma probably tore the head off a small child after the game.


All that being said, I just don't see how the Pens can go to Tampa and lose. Given the resiliency of this team (best personified by MAF, who is unreal in games after he was pulled in the previous one), they won't go into Florida without their asses on fire. Nobody wants to be embarrassed like that. Particularly not at home. Games like that leave a very sour taste. One could easily argue that the Lightning took momentum away from the Pens in Game 5. These are probably the same people who thought the Lightning wouldn't be able to rebound from their Double OT Game 4 loss.

Momentum is a very tricky beast. If you believe that you have it, you probably don't. To believe that the Lightning will maintain that level of momentum into Game 6, then you vastly underestimate the heart of this Penguin team. Every one of these guys have something to prove.

Supposedly this was a team that could never win without Crosby and Malkin. Yet they did, and they continue to. If you want to write them off, go ahead. It's nothing they haven't heard before.

Pens will take it in six. I have no doubt. Let's go.

Neal Before Us. Pens Take a 3-1 Series Lead Home

Since James Neal netted the OT winner, get used to this, because it isn't going away:



More on that later.


Right out of the gate, this game didn't feel like a playoff game at all. You could legitimately hear individual fans during the broadcast. Steiggy and Errey pointed it out about a bajillion times. The Lightning had a bit of a bounce for the first few shifts, but then their world fell apart. Not surprising who the catalyst of that was.


Short side. No room. What a goal. Not sure where we'd be this year without TK.

After Kennedy's goal. Tampa Bay pretty much went home. They were playing with the enthusiasm of a 15 year old doing chores. Pens getting to every loose puck, putting a body on every member of the Lightning. Were it not for some stellar saves by Rolly the Goalie, the game would have been over pretty early. No idea how many shots we had in the first 30 minutes, don't care, it was a ton. The first period ended with the crowd silent and the Pens in control.

Second period was more of the same. Arron Asham and the Fourth Line (who sounds like a band that needs to open up for Huey Lewis and the News) turned in a ridiculous shift, followed by a supremely awkward goal where Asham puts a shot on net, and it apparently hits off somebody's penis, and then goes under Dwayne Roloson and in. Everyone sits back and waits for the Penguins to score 20 more goals at this point.

But that doesn't happen. Pens get chance after chance, but no dice. And then all hell breaks loose. St. Louis makes an amazing play and bashes one past Fleury.



Gotta be honest here. It's hard to dislike this guy. Undrafted, undersized, and a future HOFer. He's the little midget that could. This series would have been over in Game 2 if it weren't for this guy. He makes everyone in Pittsburgh clinch their buttholes when he touches the puck. Hell, I get concerned when St. Louis picks up a puck in practice. What a player.

St. Louis' goal woke up the slumbering crowd and electrified his team. Bad puns everywhere. Nobody was thinking that two goals would win this game, and with a bit over three minutes left, that thought came to fruition. Sean Bergenheim and St. Louis camp out in front of Fleury. Somehow the puck squirts in. That feeling is what it must be like to be a Caps fan. Talbot gets obliterated somewhere in here. He was fine. Let's go to OT.

After a couple of tense moments, OT levels out, and for the most part, the Pens dictate the play. Not surprising, the Lightning are old and upset that they're missing Modern Family on ABC to play extra hockey. Solid show, by the way. Double OT in your face. Petr Sykora buys Domino's pizza for the intermission.

Second OT starts and for some reason, Staal inexplicably dives headfirst into the boards. No clue why, he was having a great game...so much to live for. He ends up being fine. Tough dude. And two minutes later, he factors in on this:



What a moment for Neal. Props to Steiggy and Errey for actually throwing out some good juju for once. Potentially a back-breaking goal for the Lightning.

That being said, you're an idiot if you don't think the Lightning are going to come out flying on Saturday. Can't wait.

Tons of sentence fragments in this post.

End it, Pens.

Pens/Bolts Game 4 Preview and One of the Greatest Hockey Pictures ever

This picture is so good that I don't even feel right posting it. Make the jump over to Puck Daddy, but only after you read this. Best performance that Vince Vaughn has put up since Wedding Crashers.

On to more important things.

In case you needed a reminder of how important game 4 could be:



Turning point in that series. Big time. A lot of people point to Game 3 as the biggest game in most series. I disagree entirely, Game 4 sets a tone. If the Pens win, they've got a chance to clinch it at CEC. If the Pens lose, you have to ride through the winds of momentum. I'd show a stat about how Game 4 winners fare in the series itself, but I'm lazy.

Tonight the Pens will have to face-off without Chris Kunitz, who decided to channel his inner Matt Cooke and stick his elbow in Simon Gagne's ear. Gagne probably said something about his mom. The Lightning will be without Steve Downie, but who cares? Still not sure whether we'll see Eric Tangradi or Mike Comrie in Kunitz's spot. My gut says Comrie, since he's got playoff experience, but I'm an idiot, so whatever.


Some keys to a Pens win:

1. Stay out of the box.

This is as easy as it gets. Martin St. Louis has been lights out on the power play. Why give him the chance?

2. Fourth line creating shit.

Probably the theme of the series so far. When your fourth line outplays their fourth line by a considerable margin, you're going to win a lot of games.

3. Jordan Staal

He's had a good series, but talk about someone who's overdue for a huge goal. We'll see how he holds up without Kunitz in the lineup.

4. The same Fleury we saw in Games 1 and 3.

He knows playoff pressure. Would you want anyone else guarding the cage right now?

5. Power Play.

I'll just say it right now. If we score a power play goal, we'll win. If not, we lose. Take it to the bank.




Wild Card:

James Neal.


He's had exactly one goal since joining the Pens. To say that Neal is snakebitten is the understatement of the millenium. I haven't had blue balls as bad as James Neal since I was 17. Here are some things that have happened in the world since the last time James Neal scored a goal (March 8):

-The U.S. started bombing Libya
-Elizabeth Taylor, Geraldine Ferraro and Nate Dogg all died.
-A 9.0 magnitude earthquake devastated Japan.
-Corey Perry has scored 19 goals (inc. postseason)

Holy crap. Get it done, James Neal.

We believe. Let's go Pens.

Pens Win. Pirates Win. Pittsburgh Wins.

Before this series started, I proclaimed that there was a good chance that the Penguins would put up 6 or more goals in one of these games. I gave the statistics, blah blah, whatever.

Pretty sure I'm going to be wrong on that. The Lightning are not in awe of the playoffs at all.

If any game was going to be that 6-0 or 7-1 rout, it would have been Game three. Pens came out strong, and then all hell broke loose. Not surprisingly, it was longtime Pens hater Steve Downie that provided the fireworks. Just so you remember...





...exactly what Steve Downie is about. Also remember that Downie was suspended for 20 games early in his career for a flying cheapshot to Dean McAmmond. Here's video of the hit:



Ouch. Of course, Talbot gets pissed off about the hit and roofs one on Roloson.

While we were all crying for a major penalty, Bylsma sends the fourth line out there. Oh, fourth line. Mike Rupp carries, kinda whiffs on the puck, but then makes a sweet little backhand pass to Asham who has apparently decided to start playing hockey. You start to think that this game COULD be that blowout game.

And then you remembered the Lightning have Martin St. Louis. That guy is a termite. You forget he even exists, then he chews a giant hole in your wall. He buries a power play goal and stops the momentum in its tracks.


Not sure who made this. Pretty sure it's awesome.

The second period happened. That was about it.

The third starts, St. Louis scores again, and you begin to wonder exactly how much Zbynek Michalek's stick in Game 1 pissed him off.

Side note: Zbynek Michalek may be the MVP of this series right now.

Anyway, after St. Louis scored for the millionth time, it starts to feel like a major meltdown could be coming. Cue Tyler Kennedy.



Just go to the net.

The last 15 minutes of this game lasted longer than a JAG marathon. Craig Adams' Mohawk blocks a shot to end it.


Other crap:

Downie and Chris Kunitz each will be receiving some sort of discipline from the league today. Don't know how I forgot to mention the Kunitz elbow. While not nearly as dangerous as the Downie play, it was equally as mindless.



No idea what Kunitz is thinking here. This is about as easy as it gets. It's a pretty delicate elbow, but it's still an elbow, and it's still ridiculously blatant.

Jesus, I've put like a billion YouTube videos in this post.


Gotta mention the fact that the Pirates won another road series. This is a damn impressive habit to get into. Bucs travel to Florida tonight. Let's go.

Tax Day Update.

Pay your taxes, slackers. Yeah, even you, Wesley Snipes.

Pens lost 5-1 on Friday night. Big deal. Nobody goes 16-0 in the playoffs. Fleury had a rough outing, but he's approximately 100000-0 in rebound games, so I'm sure he'll be fine. The game actually wasn't as lopsided as the score would indicate. Outside of the first half of the first period, the Pens played a decent game.


The fourth line pretty much deserve Purple Hearts at this point in the series.

Cassie Campbell from CBC posted a speculative tweet saying that she thought Crosby was missing practice because he was at the doctor's and may be cleared to play. She's cool, don't know why she just started making stuff up, but whatever. I wasn't paying attention, and it ended up being a crap report (probably).

Per Rob Rossi, Crosby hasn't skated since Friday. Can't be good news there. He's in Tampa though, so Coach Crosby will probably be donning the headset again.


The Pirates are still playing baseball. It's now the opposite of last year: they suck balls at home, but keep winning road series. Impressive stuff on the road if they can keep it up.


We'll end with some love to the Pittsburgh Power, who are coming up with some respectable performances in their inaugural season.

Lightning Crashes. Pens Win.

Really? Nobody has used this yet? For shame, Pittsburgh bloggers.


Playoff hockey is awesome. Like finding a $20 on the street awesome. We've talked so much about the Penguins without Crosby and Malkin that we forgot that we have a buttload of players with a buttload of Stanley Cup experience. That really showed tonight.

Before anyone could finish their pregame dump, Brooks Orpik tried to murder Steven Stamkos. Somehow the Lightning ended up with more hits in that game than the Pens did. I can only assume whoever came up with that stat was watching American Idol.

It was pretty much goalie central during the first two periods, but then in the third, a set of game changing events took shape.

1. James Neal put about 50,000 shots on the net.

2. Kovalev gets pasted in front of the net, then proceeds to take a nap for a while. He's old. Whatever.

3. James Neal anticipates, and finds the puck. This was a pretty pervasive theme during the game.

4. Kovalev wakes up to the sound of a beautiful slap pass at his door, and proceeds to shuffle it in.

There's some sort of cosmic injustice in that play. James Neal has a ridiculous shift, but the goal goes to Kovy, who was pouting near the crease after being hit. Sorry, but he just doesn't look like a Penguin to me. Seems to have very little fire.

Pretty much like 4 seconds after Kovalev's goal, Arron Asham apparently spots Jessica Alba standing behind Dwayne Roloson, so he blitzes down the ice, fakes a shot and buries his second attempt of a wrap-around. I'm not sure where the hell that came from, but Asham did score 7 playoff goals last year. This is one of the reasons Shero nabbed him in the offseason. As close to a life changing goal as you can get in the first game of the playoffs.


Had to post this video just because it's called "Asham Scores a Very Special Goal". What the hell? When did Sesame Street start posting Pens videos on Youtube?

Anyhow, to their credit, the Lightning buckled down and started amping up their game. Big time. You braced yourself for them to put one by Fleury, but it just never happened. St. Louis had an open net at one point, but he crapped himself and shot it over the cage.

With about three minutes left in the final frame, there was a moment that perfectly encapsulated the Pens season (at least the second half). Kunitz fights to keep the puck in the zone, corrals it and rifles a one-time opportunity over to a wide open Jordan Staal, who proceeds to completely whiff on the shot. This isn't a knock on Staal, he had a great game and was instrumental in shutting down Tampa's big three. But therein lies the Crosby difference. If he were in there and healthy, that's Crosby skating alone down the seam, and sorry, but Crosby doesn't miss that shot. The Pens go up 3-0 with a couple minutes left, and the Lightning can just phone it in from there. But that's not the way this team is going to win games. There won't be many three goal leads. They'll just be sixty minute brawls.

And you know, that's just fine with me.


Game notes:

- James Neal got absolutely robbed out of one of the three stars. I can somewhat understand Staal, but Kovy? Insane.

- Fleury continues to impress. Sooner or later, we're just going to run out of adjectives that can adequately describe the season he's having.

- Ryan Malone is going to be annoying all series long.

- The fourth line wreaked havoc. They only logged like 8 or 9 minutes of ice time, but they were incredibly productive minutes. Things like that make a huge difference in the playoffs.


And oh yeah, Craig Adams' Mohawk moves to 5-0 on the season. What a hairstyle.

First Round Preview: Pens vs. Bolts

This is going to be the most awkward playoff series ever. First of all, it's Tampa Bay. They usually get about 30 fans for their regular season games, but considering its the playoffs, they may get up to 40. Wherever the hell they play hockey (apparently it's named for some newspaper that nobody reads because it's 2011) is going to be ripe with Penguins fans.

Truly, it's a shame that nobody comes out to support this Tampa Bay team. Their offensive firepower is nothing to scoff at. Even beyond the obvious stars like Steven Stamkos, Martin St. Louis, Vincent Lecavalier and Simon Gagne, the Lightning have plenty of 3rd and 4th liners that can put the puck in the net (Former Penguins Ryan Malone and Dominic Moore, along with unsung guys like Teddy Purcell and Sean Bergenheim). Their defensemen? Eh, not so intimidating. The Penguins danced laps around touted youngster Victor Hedman. With the exception of Brett Clark, they are a bevy of no-names.


Then we get to what has always been the Lightning's achilles heel: goaltending. The Lightning have given up 6 or more goals TEN times this season. The Penguins, to compare, have done it only twice. That means, playing the odds, that one of these games the Penguins will put up a six-spot. Now admittedly, the Bolts have been far better since Dwayne Roloson took the helm between the pipes. The Penguins have seen both sides of Dwayne Roloson: the guy who seems completely lost (the Pens chased him after giving up 5 goals on 23 shots), and the guy who can steal games in between cashing his Social Security checks. Without a doubt, Roloson is the story of this series. The only way Tampa Bay can win is if Roloson outplays Fleury. Teams without consistent goaltending get lit up in the playoffs (See: 2009-10 Washington Capitals).



Beyond the awkwardness of playing the Lightning in the playoffs (which still just feels weird), playing a playoff series without Crosby and Malkin really wasn't part of our plan for this year. Although we adapted very well during the regular season without the duo, the playoffs are always another beast entirely. The job that Bylsma, Fleury and our makeshift lines and defensive pairings have done is beyond admirable. But how far can it conceivably take us? The answer probably lies somewhere in between heart and momentum. We know that the heart is there. We see it every time they take the ice. The momentum may be there as well. The Penguins are 12-4 since that craptastic overtime loss against the Devils on March 4th. If the Penguins can continue to muster the same resolve during these playoffs, they'll be an extremely difficult team to eliminate.


Final prediction: Pens in six.


Series MVP: Marc-Andre Fleury. It's almost crazy to think it could be anyone else.


Tampa Bay MVP: Martin St. Louis. Again, it's ridiculous to think it could be anyone else. He's probably the least intimidating person in the world until he takes the ice.


Unsung Hero: Mark Letestu. He's only played in 64 games this season, but he's proved that he can be a force when healthy. Like most of this team, he plays with a lot of energy and guts, and he couples that play with a great goal-scoring touch. I wouldn't be surprised at all to see Letestu put 2-3 pucks behind Dwayne Roloson, and to do so at a big moment.


Let's go Pens.

How About a Kiss for Your Cousin Dupuis? Pens Win; Close on Flyers

I swear to God this is the only time I start a blog post with a Steely Dan joke (I'm probably lying).

This was clearly the highest scoring Pens-Devils game ever, and it was actually interesting to watch. Jordan Staal went berserk. Versus was effusive in their praise for Staal. I didn't realize he played 29 minutes in a game. That's beyond insane. Nice to see him get some well-deserved kudos. And by the way, Craig Adams' Mohawk is now 2-0. This could be the start of something fun.


For the first 30 minutes, MAF was just ridiculous. Pretty sure I wouldn't want any other goalie between the pipes right now. He's bound to steal a game or two in the playoffs, circa 2009. Pascal Dupuis netted two, including an empty netter. Dupes has very quietly put up 16 goals. What a player. He should totally change the spelling of his name to the pronunciation on ESPN.com--paz KAL doo PWEE

No matter, It's just nice to beat the Devils.



The Pirates blew a 2-0 first inning lead to the Cardinals last night, losing 3-2, bringing their record to that number as well. Though I must say, through the first full rotation of the five starters, their numbers have been ridiculously impressive:

3-0, 2.85 ERA, with 3 Quality Starts.

If they pitch anywhere in the same stratosphere as this for most of the season (which may be the biggest assumption in the history of the world), this could be the start of something very interesting for the Pirates. I never would have pinpointed Evan Meek-whose ERA currently stands at about three touchdowns, 21.60-as the weak part of our pitching staff. Though the smart money is that Meek will turn it around.

Regardless, one has to be quite surprised by the early season Pirates. However, I've smelled this ass before. The April Pirates are usually fun to watch, it's once we get into June-July that we initiate Operation Shutdown (props to Derek Bell on that).

In another Pirates note, Huey Lewis and the News will play a postgame concert on June 11th. Huey deserves more respect. Show the love, Pittsburgh.

100th Post-Pens Fall to Tampa, and Holy Christmas, the Pirates are Playing!

Pens lost. Totally dominated the game, except for Grandpa Roloson hopped himself off of his hemorrhoid donut and decided to play some hockey. Great performance.


Roloson in his younger days. Does anyone even remember who that #71 character is?

The Alexei Kovalev experiment is failing. James Neal, while not scoring as much, has been the far superior acquisition.

Oh, and Ben Lovejoy apparently thinks he's Bobby Orr now. He wasn't even this good in Wilkes-Barre.


Pirate season always sneaks up on me. It never fails. I'm not going to act like I think we're playoff bound, but...



Wiz Khalifa is a believer.

Here's the thing about the 2011 Pirates though. It IS a little bit different this year. Looking up and down the lineup, it's actually (almost) impressive:

1. Jose Tabata
2. Neil Walker
3. Andrew McCutchen
4. Pedro Alvarez
5. Lyle Overbay
6. Matt Diaz/Garrett Jones
7. Snyder/Doumit/Jaramillo/Whoever
8. Ronny Cedeno
9. Pitcher #1-5

That's not bad. In fact, that's probably the best opening day lineup the Pirates have fielded in the past few years.

But the big issue that still hasn't been addressed is the complete and utter lack of starting pitching. Until the Pirates can at least have one guy that they can count on in the rotation, we can forget about a winning season. No matter how decent the bullpen may be, it's not going to be effective if it has to pitch 4-5 innings a game. I'm pretty sure if I were to show up at PNC Park on any random day, I'd probably be the fourth starter.

In fairness to the other pitchers though, I do throw a 65 mph fastball. Unhittable.

I could list more reasons why I don't think the Pirates can be a .500 team this year, but you know what? Hope springs eternal. And I'll always back my Buccos.

Let's go Bucs/Pens/Power

Sir Sidney Looks to Join the Knights of the Roundtable

Crosby is back at practice (not just shooting pucks), and will be traveling with the team down to Florida. My guess is that he watched the game last night, and it was too much for him to bear.

Look the eff out, Eastern Conference. Could we see him in New Jersey next Tuesday? Who knows. We'd better start every enforcer we have if he plays against the Isles.

Holy balls, folks.

Game of the Year

When you don't play your rival for 3 months, it's easy to forget how much you hate them. That's how I felt going into last week's Pens-Flyers matchup. It took about 0.2 seconds for me to remember the depth of my loathing for the Philadelphia Flyers. In my hate scale, the Flyers rank somewhere between ex-girlfriends and Glenn Beck.



It's a scary thing when a former drug addicted alcoholic high-school grad is one of the most powerful men in America. He'd probably say hockey is a tool of the Communists used to put Marxist thought into the minds of the impressionable masses.

Anyway, I digress.

The Flyers will likely be without defenseman Chris Pronger. But Pronger is overrated anyways, so who gives a crap. Side note: I once had a Flyers fan try to argue that Chris Pronger was as good a defenseman as Nicklas Lidstrom. No joke.

Rumors are abound that Crosby is close to making a return to practice. I'm not sure we even need him to be a contender. Though it definitely wouldn't hurt.

There was one thing that I wanted to address. The Marc-Andre Fleury for MVP talk.



I should preface this by saying that I absolutely love Fleury. There's no one else that I'd rather have manning the net for my beloved Pens. His puck handling and rebound control have improved by leaps and bounds this year. And anyone who says that he's not a clutch goalie must not watch Pens games. There is no doubt that he's the team MVP this year (which he was voted as by the team).

But should he win the Hart? Probably not.

First off, the last goalie to win the Hart was Jose Theodore in 01-02. Theodore lead the league in save percentage that year, and was fourth in goals against average. Fleury doesn't rank in the top 5 in either of those categories (8th and 11th, respectively). In the entire history of the award, it has only been won by a goaltender 7 times, and only three times since 1962. So in essence, in order to win the Hart as a goaltender, you have to be SIGNIFICANTLY better than any other netminder in the league. This year, one could easily make a legitimate case for Roberto Luongo, Tim Thomas, Pekka Rinne and Henrik Lundqvist (who has nearly four times as many shutouts as Fleury) for MVP as well.

Like I've said, I'm not discounting Fleury's importance to this team. Without him, we're probably struggling for a playoff spot. But if you take guys like Luongo and Lundqvist off their teams, they're in the same position as well. To me, this season has firmly entrenched Fleury as an elite NHL goaltender. But hopes of a Hart are probably unrealistic.

But I must say, if by some infinitesimal chance, Fleury does win; I will gladly eat my words.

He should at least get save of the year for this. Pretty much took whatever was left of Mike Green's manhood (riding a Vespa and having a flower tattoo eliminates 85% of his man cards) on this stop. Awesome stuff. Gotta love Green's reaction. It looks like he got shot.



Let's go Pens.

Making a Run for it.

Yeah, I don't know how the Pens are four points out either.

The Pens deserved this win in regulation, no doubt. But two points are two points, and now the Pens are one win and one Carolina loss away from a playoff spot. Outside of pure guts and determination, I don't have an explanation for how the Penguins keep fighting...and winning. Games like this really make you think that we can make a run at the Cup even without Crosby/Malkin.

The Flyers came out for the first five minutes and dictated the play, possessing the puck for long periods in the Pens end. Then every Flyer but Bobrovsky went home. Every loose puck, the Pens were there. The score doesn't do the game justice. It wasn't even close.


Some notes:

-Dustin Jeffrey was injured in the second. Looked eerily like Malkin's torn ACL, but no word on exactly how bad it is yet. Nobody's overly optimistic.

-What a rebound game for Kris Letang. He looked more like his old self.

-There is no way that Ben Lovejoy gets bumped from the D rotation once Brooks Orpik returns. No way.

-Mike Comrie is back in the lineup tonight. Nobody cares.

-Sidney Crosby is out destroying beverage containers.


Jesus, that's a backhander that did that. The scene in Scanners where the dude's head blew up was less impressive than that shot.


Underrated movie.


Holy hell, the Pirates start playing next week. Here's a great article on ESPN about Buccos skipper Clint Hurdle.

Peace.