"Real Caps Fans Should Hope to get Swept"

I can't even explain how much I love the Washington Capitals message board. There's no better tonic to help you forget about the pain of the Pens losing in the first round of the playoffs. So as I'm going through my time-tested ritual of perusing the Caps boards after another painful playoff loss, I come across this gem of a headline:



"Real Caps Fans Should Hope to get Swept"

My first thought was, "OK, they just lost, people are talking irrationally, and this is probably just some drunk who everyone will rail against." Aha, I overestimated Caps fans once again. Here are some of the responses:

"100% AGREE! I am going to be angry if I have to watch this sorry team play anymore after tomorrow night. I think the players don't like (or at least have absolutely no respect) for BB so we may see, and I hope we do, a collective F-U Bruce collapse tomorrow night."

"Well we definitely need a new coach. Getting swept might do that for us. I actually like watching TB play, so they'll be fun to cheer for next round."

"I think when Tampa Bay scores first,they'll roll over. "

"I agree wholeheartedly"


Those are pretty much Caps fans in a nutshell. They even have an "Official Fire Bruce Boudreau Petition" that has 90 replies. Sometimes I can't even believe there are any Caps fans left, because most of them appear to want to lie down in the middle of the Beltway during rush hour. Truly, that's how the players looked after last night's game as well. Every game that Tampa Bay wins further validates the Penguins season. At least we put up a fight. When the Caps had to make a play, they folded in a major way.

Even after the game, things got even better, with Bruce Boudreau throwing players and refs under the bus so quickly that you'd think that they were keeping him from getting to a Dunkin Donuts.

Bruce Boudreau being a a fat whiny douche.

Unbelievable stuff. Especially that he calls out Eric Fehr by name. I've watched this series, and Fehr has been one of the most impressive Caps. He gives it his all on every shift, a fact that Pens fans learned during the Winter Classic. Boudreau even has the gall to call out the refs for his Too Many Men penalty while they were on the power play in the first, negating a Caps goal.

NEWS FLASH: If you have six guys on the ice, YOU HAVE TOO MANY MEN.

After this, Boudreau casts even more blame on the refs, saying that Malone's game-winning goal shouldn't have counted because Malone's stick hits Neuvirth's pad.



If you stop the video at 0:50, you can see that D-Man John Carlson's skate is colliding with Neuvirth's pad at a far greater velocity that Ryan Malone's stick. In fact, before the puck even goes in the net, Malone's stick is completely off Neuvirth, as Carlson's skate continues to push him away from the puck. Boudreau is a ridiculous joke of a coach.

Can't wait to see how the "Real Caps Fans" show up in Game 4.

2011: A Cursed Year in Pittsburgh Sports

Call it what you will. 2011 has been an extraordinarily painful time to be a fan in Pittsburgh. Shall we start at the beginning?

It's December of 2010, and we are drunk with happiness. The Penguins hadn't lost a game in a month and the Steelers were unexpectedly rolling towards a playoff berth after a tumultuous offseason. HBO was in town filming 24/7 in preparation for the Winter Classic. It was pretty much sunshine and kittens at that point.

And then the ball dropped.


Go to hell, Times Square.


Jan 1, 2011:

On National Hangover Day, the Penguins played host to the Crapitals at Heinz Field in the Winter Classic. The atmosphere was incredible and the stage was set for a hallowed chapter in Penguins history. Little did we know.





I'm normally not one for drama or superfluous adjectives, but this is a seminal moment in Penguins history. This hit, coupled with Victor Hedman's less vicious shot several days later, left Crosby on the sidelines for the rest of the season. Yes, Crosby has skated with teammates, run through some drills and flashed his omnipresent smile. But the fact remains that since the Hedman hit, nobody has laid a hand on him. The Penguins have been all but mum on Crosby developments. The smart money says Crosby will get healthy and back to normal over this extended summer, but it's not something that's given at this point. Penguins fans may have to face the fact that Crosby may not be the same. Is it likely? No. But it's certainly not impossible.

Oh yeah, the Pens lost the game too.


February 4th, 2011:



In a 3-2 comeback win over Buffalo, the Pens suffered another freak accident when Andre the Giant...I mean, Tyler Myers fell awkwardly on Evgeni Malkin's knee, tearing his ACL. Even then, we really had no idea how long the Penguins would have to go without the services of both Crosby and Malkin. This is the point where the Crosby Watch truly gained steam.


February 6th, 2011:



Watching the Steelers lose Super Bowl XLV was like getting head-butted in the balls by Zinedine Zidane. The Steelers were outplayed and outcoached from the start. Hell, the Packers lost half their secondary in that game and still beat us. Truly, it wasn't as close as the score would indicate. No excuses on this one. Green Bay deserved that win.


February 11th, 2011:



If I were Dan Bylsma, I would have shown the team this video before Game 7. This was nothing but childish retaliation for the Brent Johnson/Rick Dipietro fight the week prior (which is really the best thing to happen sports-wise this year). Just despicable the whole way around. Trevor Gillies turned into a household name, and were it not for Max Talbot's keen eye, Matt Martin would have been just as vilified. This wasn't a hockey game, it was a street fight. Hands down the low of the entire season in the NHL.


March 19, 2011



In one of the most bizarre endings in tournament history, #1 seed Pitt was ousted by #8 Butler. With slightly over two seconds left, and Pitt up 69-68, Butler's Andrew Smith made an easy layup off a great pass from Shawn Vanzant. Game over, right? Wrong. In a completely mindless play, Butler's Shelvin Mack dogged Gilbert Brown around midcourt, eventually fouling Brown with 1.4 seconds left. Butler's fanbase collectively poop themselves. Brown makes the first free throw (after some back and forth chat with Mack), tying the game at 70 all. The next sequence would etch itself into Pitt's ignominious basketball history.

Brown shoots. Off the rim.
Butler's Matt Howard rebounds
Nasir Robinson's left arm.
Howard sinks a free throw to win.

I'm one of the few Pittsburghers who will defend Robinson here. First of all, it's a high pressure situation, and Robinson wants to win the game. He wanted that rebound badly. His crime was one of passion, and while it's staggering, it is defensible. Robinson took the blame after the loss, but it certainly wasn't deserved. Pitt squandered opportunities all game long. Regardless, it stands as one of the most painful losses in the program's history.


April 2011:



This Bolts-Pens series was just so tough to swallow. A week prior to the Game 7 loss, the Pens were flying high after James Neal's Double OT winner to put the Pens up 3-1 in the series. Most thought the Lightning would fold, and the Pens would be 2nd round bound. Not so fast. Tampa's third line (including new enemy Sean Bergenheim) took over the series, and Dwayne Roloson did what he had to do.

The whole thing culminated in one last flurry of action in Game 7s waning seconds. The season died where it was born; the choppy ice of Consol Energy Center, surrounded by a winded but hopeful Pens faithful, anxious for another day.


So where is this all leading? One would ask (and rightfully so) if things could get any worse. That question is always dangerous because the answer will always be yes.

But we're Pittsburgh; we face the present with steely resolve, and the future with cautious optimism.

Because really, could things get any worse?

Stairway to a Game 7 exit. Tampa moves on.

It ended the way it should have. The power play. The bane of the Pens fans existence for the past four months. Remember when we whined about how Mike Yeo ran the PP? If only we knew.

If you're looking for a scapegoat, the reason as to why there's no round two for us, it's the power play. We ended the series about 1-100000 on the PP. Very little flow. I could also jab Bylsma for playing Kovalev over Tangradi, but that seems a bit useless at this point.

Three Stars of the Series for the Penguins:

3. Arron Asham



Given his playoff pedigree, maybe we should have expected this from Asham. Big time goals, and he was a physical presence throughout the series. He (likely) won't be back next year, but let us not forget his contributions.


2. Craig Adams/Max Talbot



It was impossible to choose between these two. Max Talbot was his old playoff self. There were no Game 7 SCF heroics, but he played an admirable series. It was as if he knew every shift may be his last as a Penguin. If he goes elsewhere in the offseason, this city is forever indebted to Max, and we'll love him no matter what.

Craig Adams. I don't even know where to start with this guy. If I were a hockey player, I'd want to mirror my game off of Craig Adams. He does everything the right way, and will lay down his life for his teammates. There's a reason that Adams has a couple of Stanley Cup rings. He's a winner through and through.


1. Marc-Andre Fleury



He was our rock all season long, and he played well enough to win Game 7. Period.


Honorable mention: Jordan Staal, Mike Rupp


CEC was pure bedlam last night. But if you're the drunk who stood behind me last night yelling "Hit him!" every time a Bolt touched the puck, stop coming to games. Seriously.

Sure, it didn't end the way we wanted. We'll be depressed for a while, but eventually shrug it off and start going to Pirate games. But the truth be told, there was a certain beauty in the way Game 7 played out. People always say that sports are a distraction from everyday life, but that's not the case. Sports are a visual representation of it. When it comes down to it, we've all been exactly where the Penguins were last night: trying and trying, but failing and failing. After all, life is just a test that we all inevitably fail, whether by our minds or by our bodies. There's no shame in losing. Things like this are seldom a pleasant journey, but always an important one. Just as we learn from our mistakes and shortcomings, they learn from theirs. And just like us, they will have new opportunities and new stories, just waiting to be written.



Let's go Pens.

Lightning Crashes. Pens Win.

Really? Nobody has used this yet? For shame, Pittsburgh bloggers.


Playoff hockey is awesome. Like finding a $20 on the street awesome. We've talked so much about the Penguins without Crosby and Malkin that we forgot that we have a buttload of players with a buttload of Stanley Cup experience. That really showed tonight.

Before anyone could finish their pregame dump, Brooks Orpik tried to murder Steven Stamkos. Somehow the Lightning ended up with more hits in that game than the Pens did. I can only assume whoever came up with that stat was watching American Idol.

It was pretty much goalie central during the first two periods, but then in the third, a set of game changing events took shape.

1. James Neal put about 50,000 shots on the net.

2. Kovalev gets pasted in front of the net, then proceeds to take a nap for a while. He's old. Whatever.

3. James Neal anticipates, and finds the puck. This was a pretty pervasive theme during the game.

4. Kovalev wakes up to the sound of a beautiful slap pass at his door, and proceeds to shuffle it in.

There's some sort of cosmic injustice in that play. James Neal has a ridiculous shift, but the goal goes to Kovy, who was pouting near the crease after being hit. Sorry, but he just doesn't look like a Penguin to me. Seems to have very little fire.

Pretty much like 4 seconds after Kovalev's goal, Arron Asham apparently spots Jessica Alba standing behind Dwayne Roloson, so he blitzes down the ice, fakes a shot and buries his second attempt of a wrap-around. I'm not sure where the hell that came from, but Asham did score 7 playoff goals last year. This is one of the reasons Shero nabbed him in the offseason. As close to a life changing goal as you can get in the first game of the playoffs.


Had to post this video just because it's called "Asham Scores a Very Special Goal". What the hell? When did Sesame Street start posting Pens videos on Youtube?

Anyhow, to their credit, the Lightning buckled down and started amping up their game. Big time. You braced yourself for them to put one by Fleury, but it just never happened. St. Louis had an open net at one point, but he crapped himself and shot it over the cage.

With about three minutes left in the final frame, there was a moment that perfectly encapsulated the Pens season (at least the second half). Kunitz fights to keep the puck in the zone, corrals it and rifles a one-time opportunity over to a wide open Jordan Staal, who proceeds to completely whiff on the shot. This isn't a knock on Staal, he had a great game and was instrumental in shutting down Tampa's big three. But therein lies the Crosby difference. If he were in there and healthy, that's Crosby skating alone down the seam, and sorry, but Crosby doesn't miss that shot. The Pens go up 3-0 with a couple minutes left, and the Lightning can just phone it in from there. But that's not the way this team is going to win games. There won't be many three goal leads. They'll just be sixty minute brawls.

And you know, that's just fine with me.


Game notes:

- James Neal got absolutely robbed out of one of the three stars. I can somewhat understand Staal, but Kovy? Insane.

- Fleury continues to impress. Sooner or later, we're just going to run out of adjectives that can adequately describe the season he's having.

- Ryan Malone is going to be annoying all series long.

- The fourth line wreaked havoc. They only logged like 8 or 9 minutes of ice time, but they were incredibly productive minutes. Things like that make a huge difference in the playoffs.


And oh yeah, Craig Adams' Mohawk moves to 5-0 on the season. What a hairstyle.

First Round Preview: Pens vs. Bolts

This is going to be the most awkward playoff series ever. First of all, it's Tampa Bay. They usually get about 30 fans for their regular season games, but considering its the playoffs, they may get up to 40. Wherever the hell they play hockey (apparently it's named for some newspaper that nobody reads because it's 2011) is going to be ripe with Penguins fans.

Truly, it's a shame that nobody comes out to support this Tampa Bay team. Their offensive firepower is nothing to scoff at. Even beyond the obvious stars like Steven Stamkos, Martin St. Louis, Vincent Lecavalier and Simon Gagne, the Lightning have plenty of 3rd and 4th liners that can put the puck in the net (Former Penguins Ryan Malone and Dominic Moore, along with unsung guys like Teddy Purcell and Sean Bergenheim). Their defensemen? Eh, not so intimidating. The Penguins danced laps around touted youngster Victor Hedman. With the exception of Brett Clark, they are a bevy of no-names.


Then we get to what has always been the Lightning's achilles heel: goaltending. The Lightning have given up 6 or more goals TEN times this season. The Penguins, to compare, have done it only twice. That means, playing the odds, that one of these games the Penguins will put up a six-spot. Now admittedly, the Bolts have been far better since Dwayne Roloson took the helm between the pipes. The Penguins have seen both sides of Dwayne Roloson: the guy who seems completely lost (the Pens chased him after giving up 5 goals on 23 shots), and the guy who can steal games in between cashing his Social Security checks. Without a doubt, Roloson is the story of this series. The only way Tampa Bay can win is if Roloson outplays Fleury. Teams without consistent goaltending get lit up in the playoffs (See: 2009-10 Washington Capitals).



Beyond the awkwardness of playing the Lightning in the playoffs (which still just feels weird), playing a playoff series without Crosby and Malkin really wasn't part of our plan for this year. Although we adapted very well during the regular season without the duo, the playoffs are always another beast entirely. The job that Bylsma, Fleury and our makeshift lines and defensive pairings have done is beyond admirable. But how far can it conceivably take us? The answer probably lies somewhere in between heart and momentum. We know that the heart is there. We see it every time they take the ice. The momentum may be there as well. The Penguins are 12-4 since that craptastic overtime loss against the Devils on March 4th. If the Penguins can continue to muster the same resolve during these playoffs, they'll be an extremely difficult team to eliminate.


Final prediction: Pens in six.


Series MVP: Marc-Andre Fleury. It's almost crazy to think it could be anyone else.


Tampa Bay MVP: Martin St. Louis. Again, it's ridiculous to think it could be anyone else. He's probably the least intimidating person in the world until he takes the ice.


Unsung Hero: Mark Letestu. He's only played in 64 games this season, but he's proved that he can be a force when healthy. Like most of this team, he plays with a lot of energy and guts, and he couples that play with a great goal-scoring touch. I wouldn't be surprised at all to see Letestu put 2-3 pucks behind Dwayne Roloson, and to do so at a big moment.


Let's go Pens.