Captain Obvious? Part 3- Northeast Division

The Northeast Division sucks. I can always count on them for awful, boring hockey. I forgot Ottawa even had a team. Oh well, here goes:


Boston Bruins:



Captain: Zdeno Chara
Player who should be Captain: Zdeno Chara

I may hate Chara, but he's about the only choice. Recchi? Meh, no thanks. I think Chara is overrated, big and clumsy. He's got a great shot and is a good puck mover, but beyond that, I don't see anything particularly masterful about his game. He may not be a "repeat offender", but Chara has a history of some unpunished nasty play (see: the Max Pacioretty incident). Hopefully he doesn't get his ring this year.


Montreal Canadiens:



Captain: Brian Gionta
Player who should be Captain: Brian Gionta

Brian Gionta is an easy choice. He's what a Captain should be: a pain in the ass. Every team that plays against him knows it. He always manages to score the big goal, and is a true warrior. Like Marty St. Louis, Gionta uses his small stature to his advantage, creating leverage that lets him deliver some big hits. He's a consistent 20-plus goal guy (the year after the lockout, he had almost 50 goals, don't know where the hell that came from). I would have to believe there are a lot of teams in the NHL who would love Gionta as a captain.


Buffalo Sabres:



Captain: Nobody.
Player who should be Captain: Jason Pominville

This is tough. I dislike Buffalo, but they're a team full of captain-esque players. Pominville, to me, stands out. After Ryan Miller, Pominville is the first Sabre I think about (sorry, Thomas Vanek). He's another gritty guy who isn't afraid to trade some paint (thought I'd throw in a NASCAR term for the 2 people who read my blog wondering why I never talk about racing). Here's my process: When I think about who should be the Captain of a team, I think about what person I would want the Pens to have, and in this case, it's Jason Pominville.


Ottawa Senators:


Captain: Daniel Alfredsson
Player who should be Captain: Nobody.

They don't deserve a captain. Here's their current one:



I'm not begrudging Alfredsson's talent, he's a great player. But in the same realm as French soccer legend Zinedine Zidane, when I think about Alfredsson, I don't think about his ability, I think of this play. Mind the situation, a 2-2 tie in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I don't care what he says, this is intentional. If you watch the video, you'll bear witness to the only time I've ever agreed with Pierre McGuire. He eyes up Niedermayer, ADJUSTS HIS BODY, and fires the puck. It was captain-vs.-captain, and it showed me everything I know about who was the superior player and person in that situation. What a jerk.


Toronto Maple Leafs:



Captain: Dion Phaneuf
Player who should be Captain: Nobody, every Maple Leafs fan should wear a "C"

Seriously, being a Maple Leaf fan for the last 20 years sucks. The fact that they sell out every game is a testament to the fans in Toronto.

Captain Obvious? Part 2- Southeast Division

This is too much fun. I love standing up on this pulpit, judging other people's/teams decisions. I would be a sweet cult leader, but none of that mass suicide crap, unless we lose another Stanley Cup or Super Bowl. Anyways, on with the show, this installment focuses on the captains of the Southeast Division.


Washington Capitals:



Captain: Alexander Ovechkin
Player who should be Captain: Brooks Laich

I know he's a free agent this year, but my man-crush on Brooks Laich knows no contractual stipulations. But man, when you have a team as loaded as the Caps are, and as their leader, you can't inspire them to even win a game in the second round of the playoffs, or for that matter, to EVER get past the second round? That's pretty bad. I'm not taking anything away from Ovechkin as a player, he's got more talent than I could ever hope to have in anything. But the facts remain the same. Unlike Crosby, he's shown no real ability to lead his troops. He doesn't raise the game of the people around him, he simply tries to win the game by himself. This was never more apparent than in Game 4 of the Lightning series this year. Ovi probably took about a billion shots in that game, but nobody around him was playing with any sense of urgency. As a captain, you need to harness your energy and distribute it amongst the rest of your team. Ovechkin doesn't seem to have that ability, and until he does (if ever), he doesn't deserve the "C".



Tampa Bay Lightning



Captain: Vincent LeCavalier
Player who should be Captain: Martin St. Louis

This is probably more for the sake of argument than anything else. LeCavalier seems like a perfectly capable Captain. He leads, he raises his game up to the next level when he needs to, and plays a pretty clean game. It's hard not to love Martin St. Louis though. He's the ultimate underdog. Undrafted out of the University of Vermont, and extremely undersized, his tenacity and utter refusal to let his stature be a hindrance to his game is an inspiration to all who watch him. This is a truly tough call.



Carolina Hurricanes



Captain: Eric Staal
Player who should be Captain: Eric Staal

There's not really anyone else it could be. Cam Ward? Meh.



Atlanta Thrashers/Manitoba Moose?



Captain: Andrew Ladd
Player who should be Captain: Andrew Ladd

A case could be made for Dustin Byfuglien, but he's only been there a year. For the few Thrashers games that Pens fans get to watch in a year, eyes often fixate to Ladd. A very underrated player, Ladd looks as if he's always trying to hold back an avalanche. He knows the team around him sucks, but every shift, he strives for that not to be the case. Andrew, if you don't feel like moving your stuff the whole way to Manitoba, feel free to just set up camp here in Pittsburgh. I can hope, right?


Florida Panthers:



Captain: None
Player who should be Captain: None

If you can even name three players on the Panthers, congratulations. So why should they even have a Captain? Management is making the right call here. Nobody cares about your team anyways, why put in the work of deciding on who should be Captain? Just go lay on the beach.

On second thought, they should probably make Scott Clemmensen the captain just because of this:



Refreshing.

Captain Obvious? Part 1 of a 6 Part Epic

Captain Obvious is a six part blog epic exploring all NHL captains, who deserves to be there, and who doesn't. Frankly, this is a result of my frustration towards the Pirates not scoring runs and my general disdain for Mike Richards. Since this is a Pittsburgh Blog, part 1 will focus on the Atlantic Division.


1. Pittsburgh Penguins



Captain: Sidney Crosby
Player who should be Captain: Sidney Crosby

This is pretty much a no-brainer. He's the best player in the NHL, and sets an example for the team on and off the ice. It was plainly apparent how much Crosby was missed during the stretch run of this past season. He's a guy who is able to elevate the game of everyone who laces up the skates with him. He's an all-world talent that has the mentality of a player who is just trying to make the squad. I could say more about him, but anything beyond this would be redundant and insulting to a Pens fan. Get better, Sid.


2. Philadelphia Flyers



Captain: Mike Richards
Player who should be Captain: Kimmo Timonen

Trying to choose what Flyer should be Captain is like choosing what gun you want to be shot in the face with. No matter what, it sucks. Richards has become just like every other Flyer, dirty plays that don't get called, and mouthing off to the media. Next thing you know, he'll be banging Scott Hartnell's wife. As for Timonen, at this point in his career, he's deserving of a captaincy. He's been a stalwart on Philly's defensive front for a few years now, and has displayed a Brooks Orpik-like calm and cool on the ice. As is usually the case with Finnish players, Timonen is a classy guy, and seems like a great locker room personality as well. Timonen is without a doubt the least of all evils.


3. New Jersey Devils



Captain: Nobody
Player who should be Captain: Patrick Elias

Beyond Marty Brodeur, no Devil is more recognizable than Patrick Elias. He's been a Devil since before I had pubes. Though he's 35, his productivity has shown no signs of slowing. Since the Captainship was vacated by the Jamie Langenbrunner trade this past year, Elias seems to me to be the logical choice.


4. New York Rangers



Captain: Chris Drury
Player who should be Captain: Chris Drury

It's pretty hard to argue against Drury. The only player in league history to win both the Hobey Baker and the Calder Trophies, a three-time Olympian, and one of the few players in the leauge who have captained multiple teams. Drury hasn't always put up huge numbers throughout his career, but he's a tough, gritty player who will do whatever it takes to win. Once Drury retires, however, the Captain position should be assumed by Ryan Callahan. I still think the Rangers may have beaten the Caps if Callahan were healthy, but he was too busy laying his life down in front of a Zdeno Chara slapshot to try to get the Rangers into the playoffs. What a human.


5. New York Islanders



Captain: Doug Weight (kind of)
Player who should be Captain: Mark Streit

Weight would be my Captain choice, but since he retired, that sort of takes him out of the running. Truly, the only logical choice behind him is D-man Mark Streit. Injured for most of this season, Pens fans know about Streit because he's really the only Islander we give a shit about. He's Swiss, which is awesome (also captains the Swiss National team), he can actually play defenseman or forward, a rarity in the NHL. The Islanders clearly missed his leadership this season, as they made a habit of going bat shit crazy during games.

Plus I'm not sure they could give the Captain tag to Trevor Gilles. Woof.


Part 2 coming soon.

The Milwaukee Brewers are the Bane of my Existence

I honestly have no clue why we can't beat this team. No clue at all. We're something like 3-33 in our last few years at Miller Park. Milwaukee is apparently where my dreams go to die. This is what a Buffalo Bills fan would have felt in the 90s if they had to play the Cowboys every game. The Brewers aren't even that good. Prince Fielder is so big now it looks like he swallowed his dad (Note: if you're under 20, google Cecil Fielder). Ryan Braun only shows up for Pirates games, and then goes home to have a bug-eyed staring contest with Brooks Orpik.




I seriously hate the Brewers so badly.


This made me feel better though.



Go ahead and take a few minutes to digest how awesome that was. I have no idea how he finds pants to fit over his giant cojones. This guy actually made it out of the stadium, but was caught soon thereafter. And here I thought James Harrison spearing a Browns fan was the greatest consequence of any on-field dash. Guess I was wrong. Happy Monday all.

Pirates Keep on Truckin, Pittsburgh Loses a Legend

You know you live in a special city when the loss of a vendor is front page news. But long-time Pirates/Steelers/Penguins vendor Kenny Geidel was no ordinary stadium employee. Anyone who has been to a sporting event in Pittsburgh in the past 30 years knew Kenny. A shrill, throaty "Cotton Candy Heeee!" became as much of a tradition as the national anthem, and at times more melodic. He was the embodiment of our sports teams and our city, approaching his job with a tenacious work ethic and unbreakable spirit.

The grass will still be green and the ice will still be pure, but a small part of the Pittsburgh sports experience is lost forever. We'll miss you, Kenny.



To the business of baseball:

18-18. Basically the exact definition of mediocre. But for Pirate fans, this is as good as we've had it for a while. And here's the kicker: it seems as if we have nowhere to go but up. The Pirates are in every game, and are managing to pull out wins when their young star offensive players are putting up numbers like this:

Andrew McCutchen- .242 BA, 7 HR, 19 RBI
Jose Tabata- .226 BA, 3 HR, 6 RBI
Pedro Alvarez- .202 BA, 1 HR, 7 RBI

If someone would have said to me in March that the Pirates would be at .500 in May with Andrew McCutchen batting under .250, I'd have kicked them in the groin for being so dumb.



Truly, the surprise of the season to this point has been the starting pitching. The Pirates boast four current starters with ERA's in the three's. Consider that in 2010, the Pirates didn't even have one starter (at least 15 games started) below four. Coupling consistent starting pitching with a solid bullpen (currently minus the young set up man, Evan Meek) is going to keep you in games. If the Pirates can keep getting this type of pitching performance and get their young hitters on track, they all of a sudden become a division contender.

Dear Lord, did I just type that? A division contender? The numbers back me up here. In 2010, in the largest division in baseball, there were only two winning teams. 2009 was the same story. The Pirates are currently 9-6 within the division. If they can continue to beat the teams below them (Milwaukee-a HUGE if-, Houston and Chicago), while occasionally stealing a series with St. Louis or Cincinnati, then it's not a preposterous thought.

A guy can dream, right?