Who the hell are the 2011 Pittsburgh Steelers?

Crushing defeat at the hands of Baltimore.
Defense pitches a shutout against Seattle.
Indy almost pulls off the upset.
Houston demolishes the Steeler Run D.
Everyone does their part dismantling the Titans.

If there's ever been a more schizophrenic 5 games in the last decade, I don't remember them. One week, they're written off, and the next, they're Super Bowl Contenders. Here are just a few things that I think are set in stone about this year.

Weaknesses:

1. The offensive line.



They are aptly named, as their play offends anybody who watches it. Ben Roethlisberger is apparently being punished by the cosmos for his sexcapades by getting plowed for three hours on national TV every Sunday. The running game has disappeared like Rashard Mendenhall's Twitter account. They're so bad that fans welcomed back Max Starks with fervent enthusiasm. Dear Lord.


2. The run defense.



Finally, after all these years, age is catching up to these guys. Aaron Smith, James Farrior, Casey Hampton...oh how we've loved you. We really have. Three of the most important Steelers of the 2000s. Just thinking about you makes me smile.

But unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. And that includes your careers. Let's see what Worilds, Hood and Heyward can do.


3. The running game.



When Jonathan Dwyer posts up the best rushing performance of the year (by 40 yards, no less). You have problems. Big ones.


Strengths:

1. The pass defense.



Just saying this gives me a headache. One of the best pass defenses in the league? Really? I'm not sure when Ike Taylor turned into Darrelle Revis, but nobody has thrown on Ike all year. The tandem of William Gay and Keenan Lewis have surprised everybody. You know what you get with Ryan Clark and Troy Polamalu. Seeing the run defense be as bad as it is compared to the pass makes me feel as if I'm living in some parallel universe. And then I realize that I'm still a hairy ginger, so that thought gets thwarted pretty fast.


2. The wide receivers.



Top to bottom, this may end up being the best receiving corps in Steelers history. VERY rarely do you hit on two receivers in the same draft, but Kevin Colbert appears to have done it with Emmanuel Sanders and Antonio Brown. Throw in budding star Mike Wallace and everyone's favorite reality dance champion, and you've got unlimited weapons for Ben Roethlisberger. Considering that Wallace, Sanders and Hines Ward were all third round picks, and Antonio Brown was a sixth rounder, it's a remarkable testament to the due diligence of the Steelers front office.


3. Dan Sepulveda.



Shut up. I love the guy.


Given the ease of the schedule (I think at some point the Steelers play North Allegheny), I do think the Steelers are a playoff team.

But ask me again next week.

He Called Him Safe?

It was 1:50 AM on July 27th, 2011.

Just in case you wanted to document the worst call in baseball history.



With all due respect to the Jim Joyce/Armando Galarraga perfect game debacle, when it comes to the ease of the call, umpire Jerry Meals rendition of what really happened between Mike McKenry and Julio Lugo borders on the hallucinogenic.

Before I post a link to a YouTube video that Major League Baseball will take down in the next thirty seconds, let me set the scene for those who drifted off to peaceful slumber.

Bottom of the 19th. Braves runners on second and third. One out. Relief pitcher Scott Proctor takes the plate for only the second time since 2007. Immediately goes down 0-2 to Pirates workhorse reliever Daniel McCutchen. McCutchen delivers, Proctor grounds to a charging Pedro Alvarez at third base. 850 year old Atlanta Brave Julio Lugo makes a beeline for home plate. Alvarez comes with a strong and accurate throw. McKenry receives it and swipes at Julio Lugo. Then all hell breaks loose.



Now okay, there's a lot going on in this 1 minute, 48 second video:

1. Most importantly, you can see the angles of the tag. The definitive one is at about 1:30 of the video. You can see McKenry making the swipe, and Julio Lugo's pantleg reverberating from the contact of McKenry's mitt. If ANYONE felt as if Lugo actually was safe, that angle puts the axe to that idea.

2. Clint Hurdle turned a color that I didn't know a human being could. It was almost a blackish purple hue. Even in my stunned disbelief at what I had just seen, I was readying myself to call an ambulance for him.

3. How bad do you feel for Mike McKenry? To catch 19 innings and over 300 pitches to have it end like that? Ouch.

4. If Lyle Overbay doesn't hold back Daniel McCutchen, he probably eats Jerry Meals.

5. This isn't in the video, but I had seen it last night (and had it confirmed through a billion tweets), that Neil Walker was actually signing autographs for fans immediately after the game. That's insane. Neil Walker, you are without a doubt a better person than I am. I would have been punching holes in anything I could. What a class act.

6. Scott Proctor does the world's most inexplicable belly flop, absolutely ensuring that if Meals calls out Lugo, McKenry can lob the ball to Overbay at first to complete the double play and get out of the inning.


We should have a bit of perspective here. Yes, the Pirates lost. If Meals ends up making the right call, maybe the Pirates win, maybe they don't. But the fact is that they deserved to find out. While the Pirates lost the game, the true losers were MLB fans as a whole. It was an instant classic. a six-and-a-half hour epic that featured game-saving plays and two of the best bullpen showings in baseball history. It didn't deserve to end that way. Fans should have either been treated to Joel Hanrahan closing out a Pirates win, or a dramatic walk-off hit by Atlanta. Not this. Major League Baseball owes the Pirates an apology, and the Pirates owe Major League Baseball a tongue-lashing.

Just as an additional note, shame on Jerry Meals for the way that he has reacted to his call. Within 30 minutes of Jim Joyce's awful call, he released a statement of contrition, saying that he had simply blown the call. His regretful demeanor and sheer humanness endeared him to fans, and to Armando Galarraga himself. While he still has a chance to do something similar, Jerry Meals is showing no signs of it.

Given the surroundings and circumstance, we will likely look back on this as a turning point in the Pirates season. The Buccos will either harness the "Us vs. Them" mentality and use it to their advantage, or crumble under the weight of fatigue and difficulty of schedule. Only time will tell.

And in just over 8 hours, the Buccos will continue the fight.

If the Pirates weren't "America's Team" at 1:49 AM this morning, they sure are now.

Captain Obvious? Western Conference Shit

I've been hearing about this league called the "Western Conference". Apparently they play hockey just like the East, except three hours later. Not sure who could stay up for that.


Central Division:



Detroit Red Wings:



Captain: Nicklas Lidstrom
Player who should be Captain: Nicklas Lidstrom forever.


If you're wondering who Nick Lidstrom is, get off my blog. The dude is a Captain among Captains. Would he have steered the Titanic into an iceberg? No. He'd have broken the iceberg with a wrist shot.


Nashville Predators:



Captain: Shea Weber
Player who should be Captain: Shea Weber



Don't care if it wasn't for Nashville, if you shoot the puck through the net, you own the ice. Period.



Chicago Blackhawks:



Captain: Jonathan Toews
Player who should be Captain: Patrick Sharp

I'm a sucker for players like Patrick Sharp. He's not as talented as Toews (though he's no slouch, as his 34 goals last year will attest), but he's far more mature and has a great presence on the ice. He can play the tough minutes and is willing to mix it up with anybody. Sharp is a free agent after this season, and if the Blackhawks let him go, then they're idiots.

(Aside: I bet there are at least 45 "Sharp-Dressed Man" jokes in that article.)


St. Louis Blues:



Captain: None.
Player who should be Captain: David Backes

Backes is a true pain-in-the-ass. Which is pretty much a necessity if you're going to be a decent captain. For a forward, he's a fairly menacing force at 6-3, 230 lbs. The kind of guy who stands in front of the net, pistol-whips the goalie and puts the puck home. With a youthful pool of talent growing around him, Backes is the logical choice to lead the Blues in this tough division.



Columbus Blue Jackets:



Captain: Rick Nash
Player who should be Captain: Dear God, somebody get Rick Nash out of Columbus

Seriously, the dude is wasted there. They don't have anyone around him, aside from Plum native R.J. Umberger, pictured below:



Only 5 percent of my readers will get that joke. Oooh, RJ!

I'm being real though. Somebody needs to go to Columbus and save Rick Nash.

The Silence is Broken

It's been way to hot to post anything.



Somehow, the Pittsburgh Pirates have been hotter.

In what seems like a two-month fever dream, the Pirates have re-kindled a passion for baseball that hasn't existed for a long time in Pittsburgh. Since Memorial Day, the Pirates are 27-17. Their 51st win of the season came on July 19th. Last year, their 51st win came on September 19th. There are more mind-boggling statistics, but as the great Dodgers Announcer Vin Scully once said, "Statistics are used like a drunk uses a lamp post, for support, not illumination".

So allow me to waylay statistics, and tell you why I really think the Pirates are winning.



^This guy.

Hurdle isn't running away with the Manager of the Year award. He's taking what we used to know as the Manager of the Year, and kicking it in the balls. Hurdle and his staff (Pitching coach Ray Searage deserves his own award for making Jeff Karstens look like Greg Maddux) have marched their way into Pittsburgh and completely changed the atmosphere and attitude of this organization. Ever since Jim Leyland, every manager from Gene Lamont to John Russell looked as if they would rather be managing a Taco Bell. Simply going through the motions like a 16 year old doing chores.

Not Clint Hurdle though.

He's been the breath of fresh air that hasn't existed in Pittsburgh since the early 90s. He's an intense, yet jovial and portly guy who talks fast and chews his gum with such tenacity that you become legitimately concerned about his well-being. Hurdle is exactly the tonic that a young team needs: wielding an incessantly positive attitude while also refusing to except failure. Seriously, when was the last time you remember a Pirate team that has been so fundamentally sound? Talent is one thing, but fundamentals are directly derived from good coaching.

Hurdle is the sole reason why I don't buy into people that say that the Pirates will fade as the season goes on. Yes, the schedule is tough. We play the Brewers about 8,000 times. We play Atlanta, we play Philly, whatever. This is a team that will succeed because Hurdle has them believing that they should. The Buccos see no reason why they can't go up to Miller Park now and take 2 of 3 games. They couldn't care less about how good the Phillies pitching staff is. They only care about playing the best baseball they can.

And in 2011, their best may be good enough.

Captain Obvious? Part 3- Northeast Division

The Northeast Division sucks. I can always count on them for awful, boring hockey. I forgot Ottawa even had a team. Oh well, here goes:


Boston Bruins:



Captain: Zdeno Chara
Player who should be Captain: Zdeno Chara

I may hate Chara, but he's about the only choice. Recchi? Meh, no thanks. I think Chara is overrated, big and clumsy. He's got a great shot and is a good puck mover, but beyond that, I don't see anything particularly masterful about his game. He may not be a "repeat offender", but Chara has a history of some unpunished nasty play (see: the Max Pacioretty incident). Hopefully he doesn't get his ring this year.


Montreal Canadiens:



Captain: Brian Gionta
Player who should be Captain: Brian Gionta

Brian Gionta is an easy choice. He's what a Captain should be: a pain in the ass. Every team that plays against him knows it. He always manages to score the big goal, and is a true warrior. Like Marty St. Louis, Gionta uses his small stature to his advantage, creating leverage that lets him deliver some big hits. He's a consistent 20-plus goal guy (the year after the lockout, he had almost 50 goals, don't know where the hell that came from). I would have to believe there are a lot of teams in the NHL who would love Gionta as a captain.


Buffalo Sabres:



Captain: Nobody.
Player who should be Captain: Jason Pominville

This is tough. I dislike Buffalo, but they're a team full of captain-esque players. Pominville, to me, stands out. After Ryan Miller, Pominville is the first Sabre I think about (sorry, Thomas Vanek). He's another gritty guy who isn't afraid to trade some paint (thought I'd throw in a NASCAR term for the 2 people who read my blog wondering why I never talk about racing). Here's my process: When I think about who should be the Captain of a team, I think about what person I would want the Pens to have, and in this case, it's Jason Pominville.


Ottawa Senators:


Captain: Daniel Alfredsson
Player who should be Captain: Nobody.

They don't deserve a captain. Here's their current one:



I'm not begrudging Alfredsson's talent, he's a great player. But in the same realm as French soccer legend Zinedine Zidane, when I think about Alfredsson, I don't think about his ability, I think of this play. Mind the situation, a 2-2 tie in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I don't care what he says, this is intentional. If you watch the video, you'll bear witness to the only time I've ever agreed with Pierre McGuire. He eyes up Niedermayer, ADJUSTS HIS BODY, and fires the puck. It was captain-vs.-captain, and it showed me everything I know about who was the superior player and person in that situation. What a jerk.


Toronto Maple Leafs:



Captain: Dion Phaneuf
Player who should be Captain: Nobody, every Maple Leafs fan should wear a "C"

Seriously, being a Maple Leaf fan for the last 20 years sucks. The fact that they sell out every game is a testament to the fans in Toronto.